Photo 17
Notes
Posted 23 hours ago
Zoom
Photo 12
Notes
Posted 23 hours ago
Making up for yesterday’s vet visit. Zoom

Making up for yesterday’s vet visit.

Photo 20
Notes
Posted 1 day ago
Oscar plotting his escape from the vet. For the full experience, imagine high-pitched whining in 30 second intervals. Zoom

Oscar plotting his escape from the vet. For the full experience, imagine high-pitched whining in 30 second intervals.

Text 13
Notes
Posted 3 days ago

Hey Girl

I love it when you can’t let a meme go even when it’s been beaten the death, set on fire, and its ashes have been sprinkled across my dash.

Photo 17
Notes
Posted 3 days ago
When I was a little kid, the specialty chocolate shop sold these perfect little sour gummy hearts at Valentine’s Day. I loved them so much that the owner hid the last bag for me before they totally sold out. I saw them in the overpriced European-style market in my neighborhood this evening, and it turns out that nostalgia is worth every penny. Zoom

When I was a little kid, the specialty chocolate shop sold these perfect little sour gummy hearts at Valentine’s Day. I loved them so much that the owner hid the last bag for me before they totally sold out.

I saw them in the overpriced European-style market in my neighborhood this evening, and it turns out that nostalgia is worth every penny.

Photo 9
Notes
Posted 3 days ago
What the FUCK, Thai Place? That bullshit garnish is taking up space that could be filled with noodles.  I am not amused. 

What the FUCK, Thai Place? That bullshit garnish is taking up space that could be filled with noodles. 

I am not amused. 

Photo 10
Notes
Posted 4 days ago
PUT YOUR FUCKING BRIEFCASE UNDER YOUR GODDAMN SEAT THIS IS RUSH HOUR Zoom

PUT YOUR FUCKING BRIEFCASE UNDER YOUR GODDAMN SEAT THIS IS RUSH HOUR

Text 15
Notes
Posted 4 days ago

Eating At Home

Dear Morally Superior Home Chefs, 

I know that cooking dinner at home is healthier and less expensive than eating out. Most times when I eat something I’ve made myself (particularly if it’s very starchy, like pasta, or it has a lot of cheese, like chili with a lot of cheese on top), I’m very happy with it.

But Jesus Christ I am so fucking hungry right now and I despise the dinner I’m cooking right now and no Alice Waters sycophant is going to tell me that a chicken I’ve roasted myself is just as satisfying as a pizza or a pile of Indian food that I did not make delivered right to my door. 

Signed,

Girl Who Is Telling Her Salmon and Vegetables to Fuck Off and Die

Text 17
Notes
Posted 5 days ago

Recommended: Zappos App for iPhone

I bought a pair of shoes through the Zappos app on the way to work today. The filtering system is great, browsing is fast and easy, and when you add something to your cart, a kitten holding on to an umbrella FLIES OVER THE CART and drops whatever you ordered in.

And I’m a VIP (jealous?) so there was a shower of gold coins when I logged in.

Text 9
Notes
Posted 5 days ago

Work Ethic

I’ve come to realize that my work habits at my old job were something like this: 

  • Roll in
  • Fuck around on the internet for an hour
  • Do work while keeping Facebook and Dashboard tabs open
  • Eat lunch and fuck around on the internet 
  • Do work while keeping Facebook and Dashboard tabs open
  • Fuck around on the internet for another hour
  • Complain that I’m underappreciated
  • Leave

At my new job, my schedule and deliverables make my work habits more like this:

  • Roll in
  • Work
  • Eat lunch while quickly ensuring that the internet has not collapsed
  • Work
  • Leave

This is not a value judgement. If you’ve got the time to waste at work, then by all means, waste it. I watched entire movies at my old job and read the entire Cracked and Television Without Pity Archives. I just wanted to let you all know why the Well may seem a little dry these days. 

What we don’t have in quantity will be more than made up for with quality. Oh baby.

Text 12
Notes
Posted 5 days ago

Smells, Part 2

wellofcromulence:

I would have no problem with perfumes or colognes if they smelled like bacon. I seriously suspect the guy in front of me is either hiding bacon in his coat or he has found the most wonderful cologne of all time. I may ask him to marry me before this train ride ends.

It turned out it was a woman across the aisle with four buckets of KFC Chicken. I don’t even care, that shit smells like deep-fried heaven. 

via wellofcromulence
Text 12
Notes
Posted 5 days ago

Smells, Part 2

I would have no problem with perfumes or colognes if they smelled like bacon. I seriously suspect the guy in front of me is either hiding bacon in his coat or he has found the most wonderful cologne of all time. I may ask him to marry me before this train ride ends.

Photo 17
Notes
Posted 1 week ago
The most perfect drunk food ever. Zoom

The most perfect drunk food ever.

Photo 8
Notes
Posted 1 week ago
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Photo 5
Notes
Posted 1 week ago
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