January 2012
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Hey Girl
I love it when you can’t let a meme go even when it’s been beaten the death, set on fire, and its ashes have been sprinkled across my dash.
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Eating At Home
Dear Morally Superior Home Chefs,
I know that cooking dinner at home is healthier and less expensive than eating out. Most times when I eat something I’ve made myself (particularly if it’s very starchy, like pasta, or it has a lot of cheese, like chili with a lot of cheese on top), I’m very happy with it.
But Jesus Christ I am so fucking hungry right now and I despise the...
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Recommended: Zappos App for iPhone
I bought a pair of shoes through the Zappos app on the way to work today. The filtering system is great, browsing is fast and easy, and when you add something to your cart, a kitten holding on to an umbrella FLIES OVER THE CART and drops whatever you ordered in.
And I’m a VIP (jealous?) so there was a shower of gold coins when I logged in.
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Work Ethic
I’ve come to realize that my work habits at my old job were something like this:
Roll in
Fuck around on the internet for an hour
Do work while keeping Facebook and Dashboard tabs open
Eat lunch and fuck around on the internet
Do work while keeping Facebook and Dashboard tabs open
Fuck around on the internet for another hour
Complain that I’m underappreciated
Leave
At my new...
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Smells, Part 2
wellofcromulence:
I would have no problem with perfumes or colognes if they smelled like bacon. I seriously suspect the guy in front of me is either hiding bacon in his coat or he has found the most wonderful cologne of all time. I may ask him to marry me before this train ride ends.
It turned out it was a woman across the aisle with four buckets of KFC Chicken. I don’t even care, that...
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Smells, Part 2
I would have no problem with perfumes or colognes if they smelled like bacon. I seriously suspect the guy in front of me is either hiding bacon in his coat or he has found the most wonderful cologne of all time. I may ask him to marry me before this train ride ends.
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Revenge of the Naans
wellofcromulence:
Melinda: you can go on and naan and naan with naan puns
Jayne: HEE. THAT IS HOW YOU DO IT
Melinda: PUNS ON THE FLY. THAT’S MY STYLEEEE
Jayne: PUNS NAAN THE FLY
Melinda: you say naan puns are groaners? naansense.
Jayne: NAANSTOP PUNS
Melinda: omnaanpresent
Jayne: GIVE ME A NAANSTOP FLIGHT TO INDIA
Melinda: I’M NAAN IT
Jayne: I’M LIKE LOU REED. WAITING ON MY NAAAN
...
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Excuse Me
I’m just having a love affair with my rainy day commute right now. Broody music, books, and the first precipitation in two months is making me feel pretty zen.
As is the fact that BART is driving straight through the panicked rain traffic.
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Have you guys seen Serial Mom?
If you hadn’t it would be pretty awkward if I just barged in here and said “IS THIS THE COCKSUCKER RESIDENCE?”
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Smells
I’m just going to go on the record and say that I hate the way 99% of fragrances smell. EVERY. SINGLE. perfume has this powdery floral note that makes me want to throw up all over the entire world. And if this bitch on the work shuttle keeps wearing it, that very well might happen.
I don’t know what’s fair and what’s unfair when it comes to smells, since I realize that...
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filigrees:
spring is bringing me gifts, sort of. jayne and kelly are visiting la (for the first time ever! gasp.) in march and i am so excited and kind of nervous but mostly excited. we’re all staying at a little motel right next to melrose and animal and and and and we’re going to have a mini francesca lia block/weetzie bat tour. and probably cook dinner with all my friends and eat cheese from...
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“I want a woman who can sit me down, shut me up, tell me ten things I don’t...”
– Henry Rollins
i think i’ve probably posted this before. i know everyone does at some point. it’s just so right on.
(via filigrees)
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You Might Have Drank Too Much Last Night If
When you wake up in the morning, you check all social networking sites and credit card activity to make sure there’s no completely outlandish activity.
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Woo Woo
I don’t believe in signs or omens, but I still find myself looking for them everywhere. The other day, I decided that a particularly seedy orange was a sign of trouble coming. Pretending that songs that come up on shuffle are predicting the future, that kind of thing.
That said, I am pretty certain that finding a forward-facing seat as soon as I got on the train and having a clear enough...
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"Ruse," Alternately Titled "Boring Anecdotes from...
It’s been a looooooong day. Dave texted me when I arrived at the train station asking where I was. I told him.
He texted back: “I couldn’t figure out how to cook the chicken. And the rice seemed complicated. And I didn’t want to cut an onion. Late dinner?”
I almost started crying, until I figured that this was SUSPICIOUSLY JERKY.
Sure enough, my house is sparkling...
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Zamboni of Pain
Stock music is, somehow, even more hilarious and embarrassing than stock photos. I’m not sure how an album called “Zamboni of Pain” qualifies as “Corporate/Presentation,” but I am certain it is what all of your Power Point slides are missing.
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The Healing Power of Baklava
I was laying in bed an hour ago, thinking “UGH FINE, migraine, you win, I guess I didn’t really want to do anything tonight and I don’t care about college football but WHAT IF I DID” when I heard a great commotion downstairs.
From the noises Dave was making, I could tell it was dessert. GOOD dessert. I texted him and he yelled back “Holy shit, the neighbors brought...
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Ridiculous Confession
I enjoy the activity of painting my nails.
I love the way my nails look once they are painted.
I rarely paint my nails because chips give me serious anxiety fits.
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Watchbookling-stormborn:
falulatonks:
the casts of Parks and Recreation and Late Night with Jimmy Fallon
6bee - We’re Not Gonna Take It
Ron Swanson is an amazing dancer.
oh
my
god
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Gross.
filigrees replied to your post: Successful First Day!
lunchables
I don’t like “trashy snacks.”
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System Shock
I think the weirdest thing about going back to work and actually WORKING there instead of just dicking around on the internet is I’m going from having basically unlimited free time to NONE AT ALL, or the amount of free time that working people have.
I find myself worrying “When will I have the time to watch Ally McBeal on Netflix and read 23 old Cracked articles?” and then...
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Successful First Day!
The only thing I need to do this job is a lot of packed lunch suggestions.
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Pocket Full of Sunshine
Remember that scene in Easy A when she gets a card that plays “Pocket Full of Sunshine” and at first she’s all “Ugh, worst song ever” and then by the end of the weekend she’s belting out on her bed?
My older brother gave me a Darren Hayes (aka “That Guy from Savage Garden”) album for Christmas. I put aside my WTF and listened to it when I was...
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Unfucking My Habitat: New Job Edition
My contract job begins tomorrow and I am SO excited to be leaving the house and rejoining the world like a productive human being for the first time since late August. So I got up early (well, earlIER, trying to ease back into this early-morning thing), went to the gym, and spent the rest of the morning getting ready!
Here’s what I did:
Quick vacuum (it wasn’t too heinous because I...
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Nicolas Cage in Vampire's Kiss
scarygodmother:
winteriscomingbitch:
For Nips: Happy New Year! <3
Good night, sweet prince.
Relevant to certain people on my dash. I really hope they load for you because this shit is gold.
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Stayin' up late to eat cheese.
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December 2011
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Double Feature of Crap: Clash of the Titans (new...
Why do I do this to myself why can’t I just go to bed.
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2011 Recap
Went to Las Vegas with my favorite ladies
Moved 2300 miles
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I took the job.
Starting Tuesday.
Job search: started November 2, officially over December 29. For now, at least.
Thanks to everybody for their patience and support.
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This Week in Cromulence
Frantic Christmas shopping Frantic cleaning of house Frantic grocery shopping New job prospect Phone interview Parents arrive Parents ferried around San Francisco Christmas food cooked Christmas food eaten Christmas Parents taken on various hikes, walks, and drives Parents ferried around San Francisco Parents taken to Muir Woods Parents taken to Sausalito Parents leave Post-houseguest cleaning Go...