March 2012
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One of the most depressing lessons I’ve learned since moving to the west coast is that the worst kind of racist and classist is the one who thinks he’s an advocate.
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Helpful
My work is a couple of stops from the airport, and when I get on the train I almost always see people with suitcases and maps and they are earnestly discussing sea lions or Alcatraz or something.
I always try to give them an encouraging smile, so that they might ask me for help and I can feel like a cool local with insider knowledge (“Alcatraz is only accessible by ferry, you see”)...
February 2012
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Memory
Thanks to Spotify, I have confirmed that I still know all the words to every song on my favorite album of 1999: Blink-182’s Enema of the State. Things I do not remember that I learned in 1999: basic algebra, how to play volleyball, most European history.
Thanks, brain!
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List of hosts who would be better than Billy...
thegirlwiththefinchertattoo:
Chris Rock
Tina Fey
Emma Stone
Steve Martin
Jon Stewart
Tom Hanks
Ellen DeGeneres
Melissa McCarthy
Zombie Billy Crystal
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In case you missed it, Billy Crystal in blackface... →
omgthatdress:
I really sincerely hope that this is just Billy Crystal’s way of making sure that he never ever ever has to host the Oscars again, and not a sign of that Hollywood screenwriters out there really think is funny.
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Today in Things That Exist
“Pure Nude Yoga - Zen Garden Goddess” artfully explores the practice of yoga without the confinement of clothing.
Thanks, Amazon, but that wasn’t really what I was looking for when I typed “hatha yoga workout” into the search bar.
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Today in Irony
Sorry dudes, but loudly and constantly proclaiming that you don’t give a fuck about something is basically the quickest way to let us all know that yeah, you do give a fuck (or two!) about it.
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Unpleasant Surprises
Soylent Green is people.
It was earth all along.
You are Tyler Durden.
There are in fact cats in America.
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Poor Decisions
Wait did I really drink so many girly cocktails that I thought it’d be a good idea to rent Breaking Dawn?
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Girl Party for Girls
Since Dave is still out of town, I figured I’d host a belated birthday party to keep myself from getting lonely. But! Not just any party. A GIRL PARTY FOR GIRLS.
This is what’s on the agenda:
Funfetti cake with pink icing
Nail painting
Nachos (not necessarily girly, but important nonetheless)
Beauty and the Beast sing-a-long (extended version!)
Champagne
Cupcake vodka
...
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Single Life
Well, I just had garlic bread for dinner. On the side was the realization that most of my acting like a functional adult comes from not wanting my husband to find out how low my standards actually are.
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PSA for All Women Using Public Bathrooms
For the love of all that is good and holy, SIT DOWN TO PEE.
You want to know the absolute worst disease you can contract from sitting on a toilet seat? IMAGINARY HERPES. BECAUSE NOTHING IS GOING TO HAPPEN TO YOU IF YOU SIT DOWN TO PEE.
You know the absolute worst thing that can happen if you sit down on a toilet seat in a public bathroom? YOU SIT DOWN ON A STRANGER’S PEE. THIS ONLY...
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Downton Abbey Season 2
50% “Oh my GOD give me more.” 50% “Oh my GOD what the fuck WAS that even?”
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Happy Valentine's Day
A few years ago, it occurred to me that instead of resenting Dave for not caring about Valentine’s Day, I could just celebrate it however I wanted, if I even felt like celebrating at all.
With that in mind, I’ll be expecting your Disney and Ninja Turtle Valentines in my construction-paper mailbox by midnight, thanks.
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Dear Jehovah's Witnesses,
I know you’re out there. I know you can see me. I still won’t answer the door. I don’t care.
Okay, fine, if you insist on knocking over and over, I’m going to answer and tell you that I’m a militant atheist (” … militant atheist?” “Yes.”) and ask you to go away.
Have a nice day!
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“We walk in mystery like the night. Of cunty climes and snarky skies. And all...”
– …
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“It’s about this town and they have a super hero named Sportacus that lives...”
– Kboner on The Lazy Town, aka that kid’s show that made that pirate song.
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GPS
While I would consider myself an early adopter when it comes to every other form of technology, I still fucking hate GPS devices. Give me paper directions, or give me death.
(Which will probably come from panicking and turning into a bus or something.)
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Freudian Slip
Continually typing “shuttle” as “shittle.”
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I feel completely validated.
alpha-lima-lima replied to your post: At this point I’m just not reading The Hunger Games out of some kind of ill-conceived spite and contrariness.
Eh, it’s not that great.
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At this point I'm just not reading The Hunger...
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Signs of Aging
Your ego starts to deflate. You get to be more comfortable in your own skin (even if you’re more aware of your shortcomings) and there’s just this amazing, freeing feeling of absolutely not giving a shit what everybody else thinks of you.
Basically, going from “I’m awesome because other people think so” to “I really like myself, and maybe a few other people...
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"Music" is nobody's favorite Madonna song.
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Real Talk
Does anybody actually buy Pepsi?
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I Finally Read The Marriage Plot and Was Confused
romanceclub:
The Marriage Plot, by Jeffrey Eugenides
I actually finally read it, can you believe it?
This is a book that is a bit difficult to approach, for two reasons:
1. There was a huge critical response when it was first published, which is what happens after a Pulitzer-Prize-winning author publishes his first book in ten years. A lot of people loved it, a lot of people hated it, and The...
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