Posts tagged on the job

Text 9
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Posted 1 month ago

Bad Directions

My coworker told me he had a shortcut through San Francisco for avoiding heavy interstate traffic, but I decided to disregard his advice because one of his directions was literally “Turn right by the homeless guy.” 

Text 10
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Posted 1 month ago

Watching People Test Segways in the Office Parking Lot

Even my boss said “This is hilarious. I could watch this all day.” 

Photo 12
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Posted 1 month ago
I’m on the way to Alcatraz with my coworkers. That is not a metaphor. Zoom

I’m on the way to Alcatraz with my coworkers. That is not a metaphor.

Text 7
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Posted 2 months ago

Department Meeting

I have somehow found a niche in my company so that when there is a department meeting, it somehow includes everybody on this side of my office, and my boss, but not me. 

Have you ever been truly alone in a cube farm? The silence is blissful. 

Text 7
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Posted 3 months ago

Important Realizations

It has been FAR too long since I have seen Strictly Ballroom.

Text 9
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Posted 4 months ago

Work Ethic

I’ve come to realize that my work habits at my old job were something like this: 

  • Roll in
  • Fuck around on the internet for an hour
  • Do work while keeping Facebook and Dashboard tabs open
  • Eat lunch and fuck around on the internet 
  • Do work while keeping Facebook and Dashboard tabs open
  • Fuck around on the internet for another hour
  • Complain that I’m underappreciated
  • Leave

At my new job, my schedule and deliverables make my work habits more like this:

  • Roll in
  • Work
  • Eat lunch while quickly ensuring that the internet has not collapsed
  • Work
  • Leave

This is not a value judgement. If you’ve got the time to waste at work, then by all means, waste it. I watched entire movies at my old job and read the entire Cracked and Television Without Pity Archives. I just wanted to let you all know why the Well may seem a little dry these days. 

What we don’t have in quantity will be more than made up for with quality. Oh baby.

Text 7
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Posted 4 months ago

Zamboni of Pain

Stock music is, somehow, even more hilarious and embarrassing than stock photos. I’m not sure how an album called “Zamboni of Pain” qualifies as “Corporate/Presentation,” but I am certain it is what all of your Power Point slides are missing.

Text 4
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Posted 5 months ago

System Shock

I think the weirdest thing about going back to work and actually WORKING there instead of just dicking around on the internet is I’m going from having basically unlimited free time to NONE AT ALL, or the amount of free time that working people have. 

I find myself worrying “When will I have the time to watch Ally McBeal on Netflix and read 23 old Cracked articles?” and then I’m like, oh, did I really need to be doing this. 

Text 15
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Posted 5 months ago

Successful First Day!

The only thing I need to do this job is a lot of packed lunch suggestions.

Text 18
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Posted 6 months ago

Veteran’s Day

Last year, I attended a Veteran’s Day Alumni Breakfast at my high school to do some networking and shit for my job. The alumni director asked me if I could speak at this year’s Veteran’s Day Breakfast, and of course I said “Sure! Love to!”

I’m not saying that I moved across the country so I wouldn’t have to give that speech, but I’m also not not saying that. 

Text 22
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Posted 9 months ago

Last Day Lunch

My coworkers gave me a basket full of snacks for the trip, including a lot of candy that will absolutely not make it until next Friday. There was also a giant glossy magazine, kleenex, hand sanitizer, and other road trip essentials. 

There was a card inside that said “The shortest distance between two points is a leap of faith” to which my sister had added “(Not necessarily a religious one).” The inside said “So keep believing the best is on its way!” There was a little cartoon frog on it.

Let me tell you, I normally think cards are bullshit and meaningless, but this fucking card made me lose my shit. I had to try really hard to keep it together and not be a weepy mess, and even now I got a little teary typing out the fucking caption. 

Change is hard, y’all. 

Text
Posted 9 months ago

It’s my last day at work.

And I have literally nothing to do. I’ll be making use of my dual monitors with Tumblr on one screen and Netflix Instant on the other. 

Text 6
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Posted 9 months ago

Depressing Moment

When a bunch of Ph D. student volunteers come into your office and you see that they are all at least three years younger than you. 

Video 18
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Posted 9 months ago

As the afternoon wears on, the slump gets worse.