The Well of Cromulence.

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Posted 3 months ago

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Getting a jump start on the glamorous vampire lifestyle!

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Posted 3 months ago

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I don’t know why everybody complains about the acting in the Twilight movies. That is certainly the face I’d make if I just realized I let Edward Cullen have sex with me.

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Posted 4 months ago

#a new religion that will bring you to the bees #angry velvet #his eyes were the color of a dehydrated man’s urine #perfect golden velvet #I am jealous of the perfect arch of his eyebrow. I can never get my arch perfect.

(Source: reasoningwithvampires)

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Posted 6 months ago

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Jesus Christ.

(Source: reasoningwithvampires)

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Posted 1 year ago

romanceclub:

Tracking the Tempest, by Nicole Peeler, in which she PWNS Stephanie Meyer Forever

Somehow this cover is even worse than the first one. I don’t even know.

I’m going to keep this short, because it’s a sequel and basically if you like the first one (you will like the first one) you will like this too. And dudes, I’m just going to be straight with you, I don’t even care about the plot here. There’s murders and a psycho half-ifrit on the loose and it’s cool and all, but what I REALLY care about it how the Tempest series veers close to Twilight and then fucking STEAMROLLERS it.

We remember Jane, half-selkie. She’s fucking Ryu (in graphic detail), who is a slick vampire. Anyan is a sexy barghest (this means he shapeshifts between giant dog and giant sexy man), and it looks like we’re setting up for another Bella-Jacob-Edward love triangle. What ELSE would you be thinking when a girl is dating a smooth vamp but attracted to a wolfy, earthy dude? But the way that it’s handled is just awesome. It completely redeems all the time that I wasted with the fucking Cullens and their lack of fucking until it was sanctioned by teen marriage. ANYWAYS.

This is a MAJOR MAJOR MAJOR spoiler, so beware. But I really want to share this, because I like it that much.

Towards the end, Ryu asks Jane to move to Boston with him, so they can have a fairy tale happy ending and she can be rescued from her small-town life, and SHE FUCKING DOESN’T DO IT. It hurts, but she is completely confident that her decision to walk out the door is the right one, and later, when she’s getting hammered with a succubus, she says this:

Because I think that sometimes, when you really love somebody, you don’t ask them for the kind of compromise that is actually a sacrifice. The kind where one person gives up everything they have, everything they are, just so they can be with another person. And you certainly don’t expect that shit. You don’t expect somebody to prove their love. To love you that little bit more than you love them.

NOW. Tell me that that isn’t Nicole Peeler’s epic FUCK YOU to Stephanie Meyer. Also, I love the idea of one heroine in a series with different dudes (because seriously, you don’t always get love right on the first try). The promise of wolfsex was enough to get me to immediately buy the next book in the series and blow through half of it.

Disclaimer: I am firmly Team Jacob (well, Team Any Book But Twilight But If Bella Was Smarter She Would Have Gone With Jacob), and so this feels like a total victory to me.

I know y’all hate it when I reblog my other blog, but I have feelings about the Twilight series and this was like, literary revenge. Thank you, Nicole Peeler!

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Posted 1 year ago

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So … this exists.

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Posted 1 year ago

Twilight: Eclipse

I rented it from iTunes and it is already one of the worst movies I’ve ever seen. Still an improvement over Sex and the City 2 - at least this one has (unintentional) humor.

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Posted 1 year ago

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Posted 1 year ago

In response to this comment.

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Posted 1 year ago

If you don’t want to see Eclipse, don’t go.

If you do want to go, go. And have fun!

But whatever you do, don’t be a hater and spend the next three hours talking about how your friends DRAGGED you to it and you have NO! CHOICE! but to go to this movie or else you will be RUINED!!1 and you DON’T EVEN LIKE TWILIGHT OR WHATEVER.

Y’ALL ARE GROWN-ASS PEOPLE SO GO OR DON’T BUT QUIT BITCHING.

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Posted 1 year ago

hil-arrr-y: Still from the video version of The Oatmeal post How Twilight Works.

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Posted 2 years ago

Judging a Book by its Wikipedia Article: Breaking Dawn

“Edward is shocked and rushes Bella home to see Carlisle, who, as a doctor, confirms that she is expecting a child. Edward goes half-crazy with worry as the rapidly growing fetus begins to drain Bella’s health, and he tries to coerce her into having an abortion to save her own life. However, Bella feels a bond with her unborn child and insists on giving birth. Soon, Edward comes to love the baby as well, after he hears its thoughts and learns that the baby loves Bella in return and doesn’t mean to hurt her.

Bella nearly dies giving birth, but Edward successfully delivers their baby girl and then injects his venom into her heart, thus healing her wounds by turning her into a vampire. During Bella’s painful transformation, Jacob imprints —an involuntary process in which a werewolf finds his soul mate— on the baby, Renesmee Cullen.”

No.

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Posted 2 years ago